I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
