dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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