She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize