You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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