My underwear smells like fireworks.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
