threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
