I think I died a long time ago.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
