between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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