Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
