my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
