I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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