R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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