Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
