there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
