At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
