i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
