She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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