ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize