Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
