david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
