Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
