i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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