I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
