i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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