chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
