i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
