I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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