im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
