After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
