you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
