I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
