he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My liver just had a heart attack.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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