So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
