Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
