I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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