so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
