Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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