walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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