Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
