I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
