Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
