you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I would fuck him just for his dog
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