i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
