Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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