I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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