dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
