There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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