i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
