she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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