I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize