Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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