he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
