bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
