phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
