i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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