I didn't shave. On purpose
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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