I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
