You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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