I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
