What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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