I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
