I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
