we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
