he puts the penis in happiness.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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