It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
