She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
ttyl tear gas
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize