Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
