so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
