There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
