I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
