kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
