I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
