Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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