i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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