So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
